Wednesday, March 17, 2010

chomping at the bit

My mood the last couple of days has been one of anticipation. Enough of the diagnostics, enough talking. Let's do this thing! I feel like I'm in a bit of a holding pattern and want to start the real work of getting the chemo and see it start to shrink the tumors. We had a really good meeting with the oncologist on Tuesday and we're locked and loaded on our treatment plan. We talked about expected outcomes, what we'll do if things don't proceed as expected, how much my immune system will be compromised by the chemo, etc.

I'm pretty done with the talking. I can see the way forward and I just want to get the damn thing going! I feel like I've been on the cancer practice field for a month. I want to get out onto the playing field, get the meds in me, see them work on the tumors and deal with whatever side effects come along for the ride.

"Patience, grasshopper" I keep telling myself. There is a rhythm to this, especially when there's so many people and infrastructure involved in my treatment. The rationale part of me knows that things are going along smoothly and so far, so good (in general. Still a bit bummed about that whole 3a thing). But the more primal side of me just wants to jump in the ring with the nasty chemicals and nasty cells and get the cage fight going. Soon, soon!

The other wild thing that's going is I've just been feeling really strong on my bike. Somehow I'm channeling all my pent up "get-well" energy into my bike. Yesterday I felt really strong going up the hill to NCAR and today I climbed the hill on South Boulder road in 2nd gear, averaging about 10.5 mph through the steepest part. Usually in the spring this is definitely a 1st gear hill for me (it's part of my commute to work so I ride it a lot). Today I went up in 2nd gear, felt pretty strong and also felt strong all the way up and down Marshall Rd. Go figure that the winter/early spring I have my best training in the last several years is the time when I get this major illness. I get the sense that the Universe as trickster is having a bit of play with me right now.

Ah, well. Off to list to some good classical music this evening, a ski day tomorrow, then the port goes in on Friday and we start doing this thing for real. Wish me luck in having an uneventful and successful port procedure!


  1. Listening to classical music? Cool, better than Vogon poetry. And you miss the RAB and Ops on Friday. I am confident the port install will be a non-event. Be well, get some Looney-Tunes dvds. Good music and funny. Hang around some little kids that can't ask how you are feeling every ten minutes. They know how to live the moment.

  2. Good advice, Mark! I like the way you think. ;-)